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How do you save your marriage when your head is spinning and you can’t even think straight? Has that trigger word “divorce” been starting to get thrown around more frequently? Well join the crowd. You’re amongst millions of other couples that are struggling. How do you save your marriage when there are so many stresses? Read on for some helpful insight.

1. This counseling thing just doesn’t seem to be working.

Marriage counseling can be beneficial for some and worthless for others. It all comes down to your mind set when you enter this therapeutic relationship. Most couples go into counseling with the hopes that the counselor will be able to “change” their partners, and make them conform to their demands and/or desires. Forget it! Probably the greatest insight I learned from a professional was the fact that “people won’t change for you, but people will change because of you”

2. So what should I be accomplishing in marriage counseling?

In reality you should be focusing more on you and not your partner. Taking responsibility for our own actions and learning how to self reflect goes a long way in healing the relationship. Unfortunately that is easier said then done, as our ego and pride keeps us focused on our partner, and the pattern to “blame” him or her seems to ease the pain of a hurting relationship.

3. How do your save your marriage when it has been falling apart for months, or maybe years?

It’s never too late to turn a broken marriage around. True, some marriages have been strained for years, and the reason the couples are staying together are for other reasons (i.e. children), and not for the love of each other. Try to avoid putting a “time frame” on the reconciliation, that seems to only stress matters more. Star doing the right thing. Focus on yourself. Change your own behavior when it comes to resolving conflicts, and act in a more loving and compassionate way, not needing to win every argument or discussion.

4. How do you save your marriage when you believe your partner is drifting toward someone else?

That’s truly a difficult situation, as couples are sometimes drawn away from each other during stressful times in the marriage. Instead of drawing closer during the conflict, they begin to “emotionally distance”, which is truly a death spiral. Realize your partner is searching for “support” from another mainly because they are in a “vulnerable” state, primarily because you aren’t there for them to address their primary needs. Start being there! Running into a cave, or putting your head in the sand does nothing to help you marriage. Start listening to what your partner is saying, sacrifice your own needs, and put your partner first. Let them know you are there for them, rather then some “rebound lover” they are using to fill in the gaps.

Conclusion

So how do you save your marriage when it seems to be falling apart? Take an active role, and begin to focus on yourself and some of your own personal issues that need to be addressed. It just might go a long way in saving your marriage.

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